Archive for October, 2008

Things You Should Know About Latin Dating Agency

Groshan Fabiola asked:

A dating agency can be defined as a business that acts as service for people to meet one another for romantic purposes. In more simple terms, a dating agency represents a matchmaking service with views towards romance and even marriage. A Latin dating agency serves the same purposes as a simple dating service, but it only uses Latin women, so one of the offers could be Columbian women dating. That is to say if you want to find love through a dating agency and you prefer Latin ladies, then you should contact a Latin dating agency.

The purpose of any business is to attract as many clients possible. In order to do that, the products or services they offer must be of excellent quality. A satisfied customer is the one who will come again and tell all his friends about that business. This concept holds for Latin dating agencies as well as for any type of business. A Latin dating agency that values its customers and wants to be the best in the business will only accept the best women to work for them, will offer support services for clients, such as translators or travel consultants, and will keep all fees at competitive rates.

Using a Latin dating agency is very simple. Most of these agencies, if not all, have web sites, where you can learn more about the dating agency, see the prices they have and most importantly see the women who have joined that agency. The ladies who join dating agencies are in search of a friend, lover or husband. Columbian woman dating can be one of the many advantages of using a dating agency. Columbian women, like all Latin women, are very beautiful, tender and loving. The ones who join the Latin dating agency must also be family oriented and very sincere. However, if you do not seek Columbian women dating and you are just in search of a pen pall, then a dating agency can also provide this service.

It is very hard for a dating agency to make clients happy and gain new customers, if the girls that join their service are not sincere, loving or do not really desire a family. Many of the men who use dating agencies are looking for a bride. Once they join, they are promised Columbian women dating, long term relationships or even marriage. If the lady they choose to talk to does not desire marriage or a relationship, the client is lost and many other prospective clients besides him. This is the reason why a Latin dating agency must make sure that the women that join their services are indeed sincere about their desires and most of all, would like to have relationships with foreign men. The women who join dating agencies are in search of a soul mate, so it can all start with some talks on the phone or Columbian women dating.

Latin dating agencies have many responsibilities, but their biggest ones must focus on the girls that join their service and the clients who use their services. Running a successful and honest business is not very easy and, not to mention what it takes to run a business that helps people find their true love. Having said that, if you decide to use a Latin dating agency, make sure you choose the right one.

For more resources about Latin dating agency or even about Columbian women dating please review this webpage http://www.latinromantic.com

meet beautiful russian women

babesworldcup asked:


Who are your favorites? This is a video showcasing the hottest Brazilian babes. There’s the usual Victoria Secret supermodels like Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio and Gisele but

Russian Brides

Popular Scams on the Internet. Russian Bride – is She Truly an Angel?

Oksana Boichenko asked:


If you are thinking of meeting a Russian woman over the Internet – you HAVE to be aware of these most popular scams online:

Here are the most popular cities considered to be the scam capitals of their countries:

Lugansk ? the scam capital of Ukraine ? 90% of the ladies are scamming foreign men for money, presents, etc; read on to see the most popular scams. Yoshkar-Ola ? the scam capital of Russia Kazan ? the scam capital of Russia Minsk – the scam capital of Belarus

In this article will be explained the most popular scams that Russian women go through and the saddest real stories that I witnesses when American men lost their head and a lot of money when chasing their dream.

I came to Lugansk with a purpose to open another matchmaking office there. I think manies have heard about the tremendous beauty of hot and sensual Ukrainian girls but only a smaller number of them do really know that exactly in this small Ukrainian town with a poetic name Lugansk every girl is a real supermodel. Frankly speaking, I didn’t have any version about why is it so, until the time when I introduced with one interesting and of course beautiful woman, who told me that in the time of the Russian Impress Katherine the second’s ruling, she dispatched all the beautiful girls to that remote area. She eliminated all that women of tremendous beauty in unknown city of Lugansk, in order their charm could not darken the beauty of the powerful Empress. In such a way, this small city was full of girls of unbelievable beauty and they were passing this real value from generation to generation. Probably it’s just a beautiful legend, but you start unwillingly believing it when you walk in the streets of Lugansk and stare at dazzling smiles of Russian Brides of Lugansk beauties .

In one of the hot days, I set down on a bench in the shadow in a cozy and pretty park and lazily was looking at people who were resting there. Through some time my attention was attracted by a group of four chaps – two guys and two girls. One of the women among them was tremendously beautiful! A guy that was sticking with her was pretty much athletic but he was staring at another man in a very unfriendly way. At the mean time, the guy that was gazed by another man admirably looked at that extremely beautiful girl. The second chick as I understood was a translator, because guy that was charmed most all spoke in English. The interpreter seemed nervous and unconfident. The beauty was only answering “yes” or “no” and the conversation of two seemed more like a monolog of a foreigner. In some 15-20 minutes the stranger took out of his wallet and passed few green banknotes to the translator. Then, girls and the athletic guy left a foreigner alone and gone in a car that was waiting for them.

As I later found out, the foreigner was an American. His name was Steve. He seemed really confused. That’s why I decided to approach him and ask if he needs any help. So, we introduced and from that moment I started getting to know a different side of Lugansk. It was another truth – a shocking truth about this city.

He came from USA to meet his virtual woman of dream and gain his long-awaited happiness. His whole family was expecting him home with his beautiful, loving and caring Ukrainian bride. However his fiancee disappeared from his life unexpectedly, just like she entered it. The same thing happened to his friend who came with him to Lugansk for seeing his bride.

So, what was so horrible and what happened to both of them?

I told this guy’s story to the manager of my newly registered Lugansk branch of “oksanalove” Russian bride dating agency. And I was even more surprised and confused when she told me not a legend and not a history, but a real thing. I won’t tell about all the details. I just going tell you about some facts that I found out there. So, Lugansk and other scam cities have several illegal fake agencies that work behind the closed doors. They don’t give any of their contact details; they do not provide clients with any trustworthy information, they don’t have advertisements. The pictures of their beautiful clients they put in different free internet sites like Absolute agency, etc. Many of their clients are married young women. They are not unfaithful to their husbands and do not look for a partner for creating a family. So, why do they address to the dating agency? The answer is simple and horrifying – is the money. This is it! The work of these beauties is also simple and does not really bother them. They just bring their photos to the agency and that’s all. The rest is the task for their agency. They decide on what web-site to put the newly came girl’s picture, they write letters to her trapped man and so on. Of course man has to pay for all those letters, where “his” woman get’s percentage for his spending. As a rule they receive lots of letters from the foreign clients and the fiance (if I can say so) on the wings of love fly to these cities to see their beloved ones. Finally, the couples have a meeting and… Confused fiance get a cold look of their Lugansk beauty instead of a sweet kiss.

They loyally pay money for personal translator service, driver, apartment found by their baby-girls and stay alone with their dreams. At the meantime, their brides honestly get their “share” for every deal from their translator who works for the agency. Usually, the fake bride gets some percent from the whole sum given by her fiance. And actually, her salary depends on how much generous her fiance is. Some men spent 10K, others 15K, most generous one (I heard) spent 35 ? 45 Thousands!

Well, this is a sad story about Beautiful Russian Brides from Lugansk and their fake dating agencies. I take all the responsibility for the reliability of this information and it’s checked by myself. In two similar agencies that I attended as a fake client I got the whole information about how the agencies of such kind operate and how their brides should work in their team. I told them that I’m married hiding the facts that could make them suspicious and disclose my intensions. As I told before, I will not describe all the details. However, it made me even the more striving for realizing my purpose.

Here are proximate % that ladies receive from their man’s spending: Letters ? 40% Gifts ? 20 ? 30% Phone calls, translation services ? 30% Persona driver and interpreter when man arrives ? 50% Apartment / hotel rent ? 20%

When searching for a foreign woman on the Internet, watch closely how she plans a meeting with you: does she want to have her own interpreter? ? Red flag Does she wan her person driver? ? Red flag. Does she want to travel with her own interpreter if meeting takes place in a third country? ? Red flag.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of girls in Lugansk (or other Russian, Ukrainian cities) who want to find her second half, one she could give all her love, passion, tenderness, faithfulness and beauty.

See those specially selected ladies who truly want to find love and happiness with a foreign man Russian bride dating agency.

http://www.oksanalove.com



latin mail order bride

The Brazilian Trifectav- A Guys Perspective From Rio

Robert Murgatroyd asked:


Ok, now that I’ve got your attention, let’s be honest here, there really is something umm unique about our South American female friends. Brazil has had some rather interesting ‘exports’ of interest. Many of these exports have benefitted us men immensely. I introduce to you what I call ‘The Brazilian Trifecta’- The Brazilian Bikini, the Brazilian Wax and the Brazilian Butt.

I just got back from the beaches of Rio and quite honestly it’s hard not to notice how the women value a very distinct kind of sensuality there. Not the slutty bleached blond bimbo variety that we have come to know and love here in the States. But, rather the, ‘I own this sh*t’, and I’m going to torture you with it kind. Let’s explore the first of the above three trifecta. The Brazillian Bikini. Feared by many women around the world and endorsed by all males, who, well…breathe.

The Brazilian Bikini: Here’s the rub on this one (that was an unintentional pun) Brazilians wouldn’t dream of going topless, conversely, women would consider it in the States (and often do in places like South Beach). Brazilians wouldn’t think of wearing a full bikini bottom but it’s our ladies bikini of choice in the States (Brazilians find it just too ‘granny panties’ for their taste). Many in the States see the ‘Brazilian cut’ and scream ‘slutty thong’. So who’s right? I think the short answer is- they just work what they got! And what they got- is a crazy Brazilian butt! Which leads me to number two in my Trifecta.

The Brazilian But: What they heck is this thing anyway? You can spot it from space without using the hubble telescope. I think Justin Timberlike said it best “she looks like a model except she has a little more a**”. It’s like two perfect well shaped legs with this perfect thing on top. Hard to describe but you know it when you see it. Women know it all to well. In fact women are so aware of it that butt implants are now in the top 5 of the most performed female plastic surgeries. Google “butt implants”, I dare you, your computer will blow up. This leads me to the third and final area in my trifecta- The Brazillian Wax.

Brazilian Wax- Without the Brazilian wax, the Brazilian bikini would be impossible! Every now and again the god’s shine down on men for no good reason at all and throw us a bone. The Brazilian wax is just that bone. Since necessity is the mother of invention, it makes perfect sense that when a girl wears a bikini that almost disappears, unless she wants to look like Chewbacca she needs to take care of her business down there. Men, listen closely, their down side is our upside! The possibilities here are limitless! Trust me here- I got your back.

I say long live Brazil and thank Christ the Redeemer for their little contribution to my already amazing life.



Vampire Advice

How To Prevent Cancer – A Detailed Study

Ange Gothi asked:


Reduce Your Risk



Consider this number: 10 million. That’s how many cases of cancer are diagnosed worldwide each year. Now consider this number: 15 million. That’s how many cases of cancer the World Health Organization estimates will be diagnosed in the year 2020 — a 50 percent increase — if we don’t get our act together.

Most cancers don’t develop overnight or out of nowhere. Cancer is largely predictable, the end result of a decades-long process, but just a few simple changes in your daily life can significantly reduce your risk. Here are 31 great tips.

1. Serve sauerkraut at your next picnic. A Finnish study found that the fermentation process involved in making sauerkraut produces several other cancer-fighting compounds, including ITCs, indoles, and sulforaphane. To reduce the sodium content, rinse canned or jarred sauerkraut before eating. 2. Eat your fill of broccoli, but steam it rather than microwaving it. Broccoli is a cancer-preventing superfood, one you should eat frequently. But take note: A Spanish study found that microwaving broccoli destroys 97 percent of the vegetable’s cancer-protective flavonoids. So steam it, eat it raw as a snack, or add it to soups and salads.

3. Toast some Brazil nuts and sprinkle over your salad. They’re a rich form of selenium, a trace mineral that convinces cancer cells to commit suicide and helps cells repair their DNA. A Harvard study of more than 1,000 men with prostate cancer found those with the highest blood levels of selenium were 48 percent less likely to develop advanced disease over 13 years than men with the lowest levels. And a dramatic five-year study conducted at Cornell University and the University of Arizona showed that 200 micrograms of selenium daily — the amount in two unshelled Brazil nuts — resulted in 63 percent fewer prostate tumors, 58 percent fewer colorectal cancers, 46 percent fewer lung malignancies, and a 39 percent overall decrease in cancer deaths.

4. Pop a calcium supplement with vitamin D. A study out of Dartmouth Medical School suggests that the supplements reduce colon polyps (a risk factor for colon cancer) in people susceptible to the growths. 5. Add garlic to everything you eat. Garlic contains sulfur compounds that may stimulate the immune system’s natural defenses against cancer, and may have the potential to reduce tumor growth. Studies suggest that garlic can reduce the incidence of stomach cancer by as much as a factor of 12! 6. Sauté two cloves of crushed garlic in 2 tablespoons of olive oil. then mix in a can of low-sodium, diced tomatoes. Stir gently until heated and serve over whole wheat pasta. We already mentioned the benefits of garlic. The lycopene in the tomatoes protects against colon, prostate, and bladder cancers; the olive oil helps your body absorb the lycopene; and the fiber-filled pasta reduces your risk of colon cancer. As for the benefits of all of these ingredients together: They taste great!

7. Every week, buy a cantaloupe at the grocery store and cut it up after you put away your groceries. Store it in a container and eat several pieces every morning. Cantaloupe is a great source of carotenoids, plant chemicals shown to significantly reduce the risk of lung cancer.

The Power of Antioxidants

8. Mix half a cup of blueberries into your morning cereal. Blueberries rank number one in terms of their antioxidant power. Antioxidants neutralize free radicals, which are unstable compounds that can damage cells and lead to diseases including cancer.

9. Learn to eat artichokes tonight. Artichokes are a great source of silymarin, an antioxidant that may help prevent skin cancer. To eat these delicious veggies, peel off the tough outer leaves on the bottom, slice the bottom, and cut off the spiky top. Then boil or steam until tender, about 30-45 minutes. Drain. Dip each leaf in a vinaigrette or garlic mayonnaise, then gently tear the fibrous covering off with your front teeth, working your way inward to the tender heart. Once there, gently scoop the bristles from the middle of the heart, dip in a little butter or lemon juice, and enjoy! 10. Coat barbecue food with a thick sauce. Grilling meat can create a variety of cancer-causing chemicals. But researchers from the American Institute for Cancer Research found that coating the meat with a thick marinade and thereby preventing direct contact with the charring flames reduced the amount of such chemicals created. Another tip: Precook your meat in the oven and then throw it on the grill to finish.

11. Every time you go to the bathroom, stop by the kitchen or water cooler for a glass of water. A major study published in The New England Journal of Medicine in 1996 found that men who drank six 8-ounce glasses of water every day slashed their risk of bladder cancer in half. Another study linked the amount of water women drank to their risk of colon cancer, with heavy water drinkers reducing their risk up to 45 percent.

12. Take up a tea habit. The healing powers of green tea have been valued in Asia for thousands of years. In the West, new research reveals that it protects against a variety of cancers as well as heart disease. Some scientists believe that a chemical in green tea called EGCG could be one of the most powerful anticancer compounds ever discovered. 13. Have a beer tonight. Beer protects against the bacterium Helicobacter pylori, known to cause ulcers and possibly linked to stomach cancer. But don’t overdo it. Drinking more than one or two alcoholic drinks a day may increase your risk of mouth, throat, esophageal, liver, and breast cancer. 14. Throw some salmon on the grill tonight. Australian researchers studying Canadians (go figure) found those who ate four or more servings of fish per week were nearly one-third less likely to develop the blood cancers leukemia, myeloma, and non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Other studies show a link between eating fatty fish (salmon, mackerel, halibut, sardines, and tuna, as well as shrimp and scallops) with a reduced risk of endometrial cancer in women. Ah, those amazing omega-3s at it again! 15. Take a multivitamin every morning. Many studies suggest getting the ideal levels of vitamins and minerals can improve your immune system function and help prevent a variety of cancers. 16. Get about 15 minutes of sunlight on your skin each day. You’ve heard of the sunshine vitamin, vitamin D haven’t you? Turns out we’ve been so good at heeding advice to slather on sun lotion and avoid the sun’s rays that many of us aren’t getting enough of this valuable nutrient. Researchers find that getting too little vitamin D may increase your risk of multiple cancers, including breast, colon, prostate, ovarian, and stomach, as well as osteoporosis, diabetes, multiple sclerosis, and high blood pressure. The best source? Exposure to UVB rays found in natural and artificial sunlight. About 15 minutes a day ought to do it. Avoid overexposure, of course. That can increase your risk for cancers of the skin. You can also get vitamin D in your calcium supplement if you choose a supplement that contains both. 17. Carry a shot glass in your beach bag. Then fill it with sunscreen and rub it all over your body. A shot glass holds about 1.5 ounces, which is how much sunscreen dermatologists estimate you need to protect yourself from the cancer-causing UV rays of the sun. Repeat every two hours. 18. Cut a kiwifruit in half, then scoop out the flesh with a spoon. Now eat! Kiwi is a little hand grenade of cancer-fighting antioxidants, including vitamin C, vitamin E, lutein, and copper. You can also rub a couple of cut kiwifruit on a low-fat cut of meat as a tenderizer. 19. Use a condom and stick to one partner. The more sexual partners a woman has, the greater her risk of contracting human papillomavirus, or HPV, which causes cervical cancer. Having an unfaithful husband also increases her risk. 20. Cut out high-fat animal protein. A Yale study found that women who ate the most animal protein had a 70 percent higher risk of developing non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, while those who ate diets high in saturated fat increased their risk 90 percent. So switch to low-fat or nonfat dairy, have poultry or fish instead of beef or pork, and use olive oil instead of butter.

21. Have your partner feed you grapes. They’re great sources of resveratrol, the cancer-protecting compound found in wine, but don’t have the alcohol of wine, which can increase the risk of breast cancer in women. Plus, the closeness such an activity engenders (we hope) strengthens your immune system.

22. Sprinkle scallions over your salad. A diet high in onions may reduce the risk of prostate cancer 50 percent. But the effects are strongest when they’re eaten raw or lightly cooked. So try scallions, Vidalia onions, shallots, or chives for a milder taste. 23. Make a batch of fresh lemonade or limeade. A daily dose of citrus fruits may cut the risk of mouth, throat, and stomach cancers by half, Australian researchers found. Unecessary Chemicals

24. Take a 30-minute walk every evening after dinner. That’s all it takes to reduce your breast cancer risk, according to a study from the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center in Seattle. Turns out that moderate exercise reduces levels of estrogen, a hormone that contributes to breast cancer. When 170 overweight, couch potato women ages 50-75 did some form of moderate exercise for about three hours a week, levels of circulating estrogen dropped significantly after three months. After a year, those who lost at least 2 percent of their body fat had even greater decreases in estrogen. Another study linked four hours a week of walking or hiking with cutting the risk of pancreatic cancer in half. The benefits are probably related to improved insulin metabolism due to the exercise.

25. Buy organic foods. They’re grown without added pesticides or hormones, both of which can cause cellular damage that may eventually lead to cancer.

26. Learn to love dandelions. Using commercial pesticides on your lawn may increase your risk of cancer, since most contain pesticides such as 2,4-D (linked to non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma) and MCPP (associated with soft-tissue cancers). Plus, pesticides used solely on lawns don’t have to go through the same rigorous testing for long-term health effects as those used on food. And, as E/The Environmental Magazine noted in a 2004 article, no federal studies have assessed the safety of lawn-care chemicals in combination, the way most are sold.

27. Buy clothes that don’t need to be dry-cleaned. Many dry cleaners still use a chemical called perc (perchloroethylene), found to cause kidney and liver damage and cancer in animals repeatedly exposed through inhalation. Buying clothes that don’t require dry cleaning, or hand washing them yourself, can reduce your exposure to this chemical. If you must dry-clean your clothes, take them out of the plastic bag and air them outside or in another room before wearing.

28. Choose cucumbers over pickles, fresh salmon over lox. Studies find that smoked and pickled foods contain various carcinogens.

29. Switch from french fries and potato chips to mashed potatoes and pretzels. A potential cancer-causing compound called acrylamide forms as a result of the chemical changes that occur in foods when they’re baked, fried, or roasted. Not surprisingly, many foods with the greatest amounts of acrylamide are also some of the worst-for-you foods, such as french fries, potato chips, and baked sweets. Although the results aren’t final yet, Michael Jacobson, Ph.D., executive director of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, estimates acrylamide causes between 1,000 and 25,000 cancers per year. His agency has petitioned the Food and Drug Administration to set limits on the amount of acrylamide foods can contain. The FDA is studying the issue.

30. Go for a spray-on tan. They’re available in most tanning salons these days and, unlike tanning beds, there’s no evidence that they increase your risk of skin cancer.

31. Call up your bowling pal and hit the lanes. A study from the State University of New York at Stony Brook found that men with high levels of stress and those with less satisfying contacts with friends and family members had higher levels of prostate-specific antigen (PSA) in their blood, a marker for the development of prostate cancer.

Fight Cancer With Anti Aging



Russian Brides

My Gay Ex-husband

Carol Shwanda asked:


Remember when the governor of New Jersey announced he was gay?  I sure do. I remember smiling ruefully to myself when I  heard people talking about the scandal and  asking, “How could his wife not know? Can you imagine being married to someone and not knowing he’s gay?” Yep, I can because it happened to me. I don’t mind telling people about this because I somehow feel it gives me a free pass for a failed marriage. There was no “we just grew apart” or ”we wanted different things” excuses. Nope. I married a gay guy. Not my fault. Except when you consider that I was, how should I say this?, STUPID enough to marry a gay guy in the first place. By way of explanation, let me just say this. My ex, whom I will refer to as Jared, was more the Rock Hudson type of gay rather than the Liberace sort. It wasn’t like he was into decorating or Broadway show tunes. He did like ballet, though, maybe that should have been a  clue. These days when he comes over to the house to pick up the girls wearing Bermuda shorts and socks and sandals, I look at him and say to myself, “You are sooo gay. How did I miss that?” Back when he was still in the closet he played the part of the straight, ex-highschool football hero pretty convincingly and I and everyone else was fooled.  And to answer the most often unasked question, yes, we did have sex.  No problems there, so you can see, I really had no  idea.

 

Jared and I met in 1987 at a Christmas party my roommate and I were throwing at our apartment.  He was her guest. They worked together. He seemed like a nice, genuine guy who wore T-shirts and jeans and watched sports. At the time I had been having a lot of short-term romances with playboy types who strung me along with promises of trips to Jamaica and then dumped me with no notice. My current beau fit the profile, but hadn’t arrived yet, so Jared and I struck up a conversation about just exactly how did the guy who played Latke on Taxi die, (we learned we were both obscure trivia buffs) when my date showed up and whisked me away. Two weeks later the lothario stopped calling and I swore off dating forever. I was 26 and decided that marriage and children were just not going to happen for me. Little did I know. I concentrated on my career as a rising fashion industry star and embraced 80’s VCR technology.

 

Sometime around spring I decided it was time to venture out into the dating world again. I informed my roommate, who responded excitedly that Jared was still available, had just gotten his own apartment and really liked me. I was making chocolate chip cookies at the time and gave her some to give to him at work. A few days later he called and we went out on date. I liked him a lot, thought he was really nice, but did not get those nervous butterflies in my stomach, which I reasoned at the time was a good thing. It was the butterflies that had gotten me into so much  trouble in the past. I didn’t feel that instant chemistry, but decided to wait it out until I did because I knew Jared was a nice, decent guy. A mensch, not a chump and all my friends liked him. After a month of dating I really fell for him and thought, “This is what love is supposed to feel like — calm. Not insecure or nerve wracking.” After 9 months of dating, we got engaged (at the ballet)  and 9 months after that we were married. The first two years we lived the  ’80’s yuppie, pre-kids lifestyle. We indulged our hobbies of dining out, browsing bookstores and going to movies.

 

In November of  ’92 Jared got recruited by a high tech company in California and we were moved from the East coast to the West to start a new life. At the same time I got pregnant with Sophia. There were a lot of changes in our lives and the accompanying stress that goes with them. Jared became a work-a-holic  which was kind of typical of the high tech boom in the early ’90’s. Something wasn’t right in my marriage, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I shrugged it off to the hectic life with small children. When Eva was born in ‘96 I quit my job to stay home, which only made Jared spend more time at work. Because I was now with the kids full time, I looked to him more to give me breaks with the girls. Instead, he worked 6 days a week and slept ’til noon on Sundays. We never did anything as a family. Forget vacations. I would have settled for help with the laundry. With our family all on the East Coast I spent a lot of time alone. I look back on those years and I don’t know how I survived. As a kid my dad was never an active participant in our family and I regretted that. I began to see the affects Jared’s absence had on the girls and it made me very sad. One year on Jared’s birthday, Sophia sat on the front porch with his gift on her lap and he never came home.

 

Why did I put up with this for so long? I was afraid of the alternative. Being the eternal optimist that I am, I looked on the bright side. I enjoyed my children and was grateful that I could afford to stay home and spend so much time with them. I looked for diversions and decided I needed a bigger house with a large yard so we could have a dog. We bought a minivan. I don’t know why Jared agreed to it because he told me later the trappings of a middle class lifestyle put him over the edge. A bigger house, a bigger mortgage. He was screaming inside. He felt imprisoned in a marriage he should never have been in and  became more and more distraught and desperate. He coped by working, his only escape. 

 

Shortly after our move to the new house, Jared and I were barely speaking. He left for work before the girls got up for school and came home after they were in bed. He refused the warmed dinners I saved for him saying he had already eaten at the office. I knew something was seriously wrong with him and kept prodding him for explanations and answers. He would push me away and tell me I was imagining things and to leave him alone. Around the same time Sophia was diagnosed with a learning disability and needed a lot of my attention. I was exhausted all the time and did not know what to do about my marriage so I did nothing. I think I went months without even looking in Jared’s direction, until one day I saw him get out of the shower and was shocked to see that he was dangerously thin. Jared was always a slender guy with a small build. Six feet tall he usually weighed around 155 lbs. I could see the bones sticking out of his ribcage. I exclaimed, “Oh my God, you are so thin! What is wrong with you?” and demanded he get on the scale and he did. He weighed 128 lbs. He admitted to me that he thought he was anorectic, but he wouldn’t explain why. I told him he needed to get counseling and he agreed and even ate some breakfast. I was encouraged by his admission, yet very troubled. After he left for work I got on the Internet to research anorexia in men and found an article that offered two explanations. The first one I immediately discounted and scoffed at. Anorexia in men is caused by the suppression of latent homosexual tendencies. Ridiculous. My husband is not gay. I read on. The second reason seemed more likely. Repressed memories and hostilities as a result of an authoritarian father. That had to be it. Of course, growing up in the sixties, who didn’t have an authoritarian father? Armed with my new knowledge, I decided to approach Jared that evening. Instead we had a big fight about something and he went to bed. I stayed up stewing and watching stupid TV shows. Something told me I had to confront him. I had to know. I went into the bedroom, sat on his  side of the bed and woke him up. I told him, “Jared, I am your wife. You have to tell me what is bothering you. I don’t care what it is. This is eating us both up. Tell me. I have to know.” At first he said nothing. Tears started to stream down his face and his body was shuddering and rocking slightly. Softly, he started repeating these words over and over again. “I just want to be happy. I just want to be happy. I just want to be happy.” It was at that moment that it hit me like a ton of bricks. I remembered what I read on the Internet. He’s gay. So I asked him, “Jared, are you gay?” (He told me later he could not believe I had guessed.) As if the words were coming from the bowels of his being, for the first time in his life he admitted to someone, me, his wife,  that he was gay. It was as if he were speaking in slow motion and under water. “Would you hate me if I told you that  I think I am bisexual?” I was so relieved to finally know that I wept too. “No, I don’t hate you, I love you.” I assured him. I promised to help him and to stick by him. I knew that night my marriage was over, but I could not admit it to myself. The girls were little, I hadn’t worked in years and he was a basket case. I threw myself into my plan to get him well. I started the next day stuffing him with high calorie smoothies and calling around for referrals for therapists. Jared told me later that if I had not come in force the truth out of him he would most likely have killed himself the next day. That was his plan. I know now that he was having a nervous breakdown.

 

For the next two years we clung to the hope that somehow we could make our marriage work. Jared considered himself bi-sexual, and by marrying me he was simply making a choice. During the first two years of our marriage he was fine with his decision. It was when I got pregnant with Sophia that he started to feel confined and panicked. Once everything was out in the open and we both sought counseling, we explored all of the thoughts, issues, conflicts and struggles he was feeling. I read books, searched the Internet and consulted experts in the field. One of the most significant things I learned, and probably the greatest source of confusion and controversy regarding human sexuality, is that some people, not all, but some,  have varying levels of homosexuality and/or heterosexuality in their makeup. While some people, like myself, have no doubts about their sexual orientation. I have always known that I am straight. Likewise, there are gay people who have similar certainties  of  their homosexual orientation. However, there are those, like Jared, who are not so sure and are unfortunately  therefore so conflicted. This uncertainty coupled with the social construct opposing homosexuality is what closets so many people. 

 

After two years of feeling like I was walking on eggshells, always watching Jared to make sure he was OK, of meeting his needs and not my own, I decided I needed more. I needed to be either with a man who wanted to be with me or to be alone. It was a difficult decision and one that was long overdue. The tipping point  came at one of our final visits to see our marriage counselor. The counselor suggested that we settle on some kind of “arrangement” , in which we would agree to time apart and I would simply look the other way while Jared went off on some gay Club Med trip. This apparently works for some people. Not for me. With tears streaming down my face I made a vow to myself that I deserved better and I would find it.

 

After twelve years of marriage, two children and a relocation across the country, Jared and I ended  our marriage, but not our family. I was determined to keep my dignity and composure and to have a positive divorce. We told the kids in February of 2002. It was Black history month and the girls were learning about segregation in school. I used that backdrop to make the comparison of discrimination against gay people. I explained to the girls that Daddy was gay. Because we live in a very liberal community where there are lots of gay couples, the girls knew that some people of the same sex are happier being together. However, not everyone is accepting of gay people which is why their father kept his feelings a secret for so long.  I told them that because we love Daddy we want him to be happy and we have to let him find what is going to make him happy. At first they were worried they would not get to see their father very often. They both have friends whose parents were divorced and the dads had moved out of the area. I assured them they could see their father whenever they wanted to and they do. Although the children live primarily with me they see their father every day when he takes them to school. 

 

 About six months after Jared moved out, he met Keith, his life partner to whom he is now married. Shortly after, it was Jared’s birthday. I suggested to Jared that he invite Keith to our house for dinner. I did this for the girls to show an act of solidarity and to give my approval. I wanted the girls to know that is was OK to welcome Keith into their lives. I never wanted them to feel like they had to choose sides or feel guilty about liking him. I also didn’t want them to worry about me.

 

The morning of his birthday, Jared met the girls and me at our country club to go swimming. As I watched Jared rough house with the girls in the pool, tossing them in the air and playing Marco Polo, I realized I had never seen him so happy. During our marriage, when I could get him to come with us to the pool, he often sat on the sidelines reading a book, retreating into himself. When I saw how delighted the girls were with his attention, I knew that I made the right decision. I sacrificed my marriage, so that my children could have a father.

 

Later, Keith arrived at the house with gifts in hand for me and the girls. While I got dinner started, Keith and Jared played hopscotch and jumprope  outside with the girls. Later, Jared wrote me a lovely thank you email telling me how much he appreciated my generosity and that it was the best birthday he ever had.

 

Was I always so amicable and giving? No. There were several times I felt such incredible anger and resentment toward Jared that I could have clocked him. I spend many mornings sobbing in the shower. Jared, because of his guilt I guess, put up with a lot of my tirades and sarcastic barbs until one day he asked me point blank, “How long are you going to punish me? I’ll give you twenty years and then after that the statute of limitations runs out and you have to forgive me.” He was sounded like he was joking, but I knew he was serious. I realized at that moment that I was only hurting myself and if the girls sensed my feelings, they would suffer too.  I decided from that point on to take stock in my life and acknowledge what was  good. I had two wonderful daughters, a beautiful home (which I got to keep in the divorce settlement), I lived in a beautiful place and I had the talent, intelligence and perseverance to start over.

 

Why did Jared  marry me you wonder? I asked him the same question. His answer, besides the fact that he loved me, was that he wanted a family and a conventional lifestyle. When we separated he did right by me and the kids. He gave me the house, paid very generous child and spousal support so I could continue to stay home with  the girls while I figured  out what I wanted to do since I hadn’t worked in a while.   At the time of our divorce, an acquaintance of mine from my kids’ school was also getting a divorce. Her husband left her for another woman and moved to Brazil, but only after he drained their bank accounts. Since he was self-employed he was able to hide his assets and income. She, like me, had been a stay-at-home mom with three kids. Her car was repossessed and her landlord evicted her for non-payment of rent. She was forced to go on public assistance. Now I ask you, which man, my ex-husband or hers, had better family values?

 

Although I have no regrets about marrying Jared, I know that if he had felt the freedom to live as an openly gay person, who had the rights to marry and have children, we would never have gotten married. This brings me to the topic of same sex marriage and the general acceptance of homosexuality. We, as compassionate and reasonable people have to dispel this notion that it is wrong to be gay, that homosexuality is a disease that has to be cured or prevented. It is not. Nor is it a choice. It just is. Accept it. By doing so you would save others from experiencing the pain and unhappiness we have had to endure as the result of society’s discrimination against homosexuality.

 

To read more about my life as a newly remarried mom with two kids and three step kids, check out my blended family blog at: www.shwanda.com

 



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